..2012 Deviation

Deviations are the random little drips of essential oils left over from my experimenting  with new blends for my Chaotic Witchery perfume oils. I don't intend to create them, Deviations just... happen.

There's no set format for Deviations; there could be one bottle, or twenty, and you'll have to trust my description of how they smell. I have no idea how often they will pop up for sale so be sure to add my "Book of Face" minion fan page to get regular updates for this blog and the site proper.

I am currently offering ONE 50ml bottle of "New Year 2012" for £101 (to include superfast p&p). 

...2012 is about hope for the future after sitting in limbo for what feels like forever. It's a good scent for meditation because it helps clear the mind and settle the soul.. then giving way to a comforting warmth and a hint of inspiration. ...2012 inspires patience and smoothes away worry, but also gives gentle inspiration and insight.

..2012 begins with the sweetness of aniseed, limes, tangerines and peppermint sticks, but also with a winter chill to clear the mind. Think of the taste of childhood Christmas candy and the feeling of happy comfort it brings and you are most of the way there.

Clove, nutmeg and ginger add a lasting warmth and gently soothe and relax to create a sense of a clean headspace waiting to be filled.

Camphor gives a healing, slight peppermint note that fits in well with the stark coldness of Winter and acts to inspire and enliven but at a pace you can handle.
Cinnamon's firey sweetness adds hope, anticipation and spice with a positivity that feels natural and lasting to support you as you make real changes and try a new direction in life.

This is a unisex blend in plain, dark glass bottles, for those looking to get their groove back without fear of overwhelm, and who want to start the coming year in a positive frame of mind. It's a gentle scent, but it lasts all day.. and so is brilliant for wearing in the workplace.

Deviation ..2012 was inspired by themes of new beginnings, fresh starts and a need for a clean slate. Someone I tested the scent on said it gave her a feeling of sunshine after rain. The generously-sized 50 ml bottle will last you well into, if not for the entirety of the coming year.

..2012 brings a new perspective, to change your world

*there is 1 *large* bottle of this Deviation in the whole world :)* 

I will update to let everyone once its gone, so check back here.

Email me if you want to buy it and I will send you an invoice; reserving it with a deposit may be possible. If you are nice.

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Angels in Strange Places

I no longer perform my work via email. From now, the clearing and readings are strictly done in real time, on the phone.. prices reflect this. I call you, so remember that your payment includes my costs, as I use an unregistered phone and will call international if you live overseas.
In person work is discounted but catching me in any one place more than once is a minor miracle.

For those following my journey, here is a summary of today's awesome:
I went for a walk down to a big river.
I found a nice shop owned by a Russian guy who looks like Edward James Olmos, who put me a free advert in his window for local work.
I got a free cab ride and so did some energy work for the driver's wife as a thank you.
I did three lovely ladies some readings and got breakfast in return, and I sold a perfume.

Funny that.. when I stop hiding what I am, it works for me :)

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Lethe Deviation

Deviations are the random little drips of essential oils left over from my experimenting  with new blends for my Chaotic Witchery perfume oils. I don't intend to create them, Deviations just... happen.

There's no set format for Deviations; there could be one bottle, or twenty, and you'll have to trust my description of how they smell. I have no idea how often they will pop up for sale so be sure to add my "Book of Face" minion fan page to get regular updates for this blog and the site proper.

I am currently offering TWO 10ml bottles of "Lethe" for £47 each (to include superfast p&p). 

Lethe is full of  my best energy work intended to support and encourage you as shake off the last of the hold that past experiences may still exert over you, hence the price. I'm not letting healing potion go for nothing ;)

Lethe is a slow, heady blend of Earth and Salt Water; a churning river that follows a thunderstorm. It washes away elemental anger, frustation, sorrow and rage, leaving a soothing, sweet comforting centre that lasts all day, and into the night. Lethe helps you to calm your emotions and deal with obstacles.

Coriander seed, basil and tangerine are the first things I can smell.. they are a distracting taste of sweet release evocative of the Christmas party season.

Camphor gives a healing, slight peppermint note that fits in well with the stark coldness of Winter and invokes perfectly the way the holidays can churns up emotions and become a time for personal reflection.

Vetiver, Cinnamon and Patchouli essential oils give a long lasting and lingering sense of thick, warm comfort and languid, satisified sexuality.

This is a unisex blend in plain, dark glass bottles, for those seeking solace and a sense of quiet space in whch to let go of the past and heal old wounds. If the Holiday season stirs up mixed feelings, you likely will want to enjoy good company without ignoring your need for reflection and spiritual healing.

Deviation Lethe is the perfect gift to yourself or for someone you care about.  I drew inspiration from some intensely personal experiences of the highest highs and lowest lows, which cancel out to a kind of numbness that leads to inner peace, healing and a sense of warm hope for the future. I was hugely inspired by memes about the mythical river of Lethe and it's waters of forgetfullness.  

Lethe hits the reset button for mind, body and soul.

*there are 2 bottles of this Deviation in the whole world :)*  <<--all gone within 9 hours!!

I will update to let everyone once they're all gone, so check back here.

Email me if you want to buy a bottle and I will send you an invoice; reserving one with a deposit may be possible. If you are nice.

Today's thought: Neitzsche: WINNING!

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Free Stuff Which Happens To Coincide With Giftmas

Hello kiddies. I'm catching up on work after major, major life upheaval, so if you are waiting to hear from me, i'm on it. I'm offering every service as a buy one, get one free for the next week. If you buy anything, or want to buy something, send me an email saying you saw this post, and we can discuss details of your freebie. This covers everything, even the bespoke perfumes :) EVERY THING. GO!

 No, I'm not offering this treat to be seasonal. 

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

 

Some updates and changes

I'm intending to put the old url to rest and start fresh. I've outgrown my old pen-name too, "Gehenna" comes with too many expectations and it isn't who I am anymore.

The site has gone through phases.
It was a people pleaser, seeking approval with safe, derivative formatting and content, and the illusion of a couple-y foundation.
Right now, it's angry and it certainly stands out more, but it still isn't right. It's about self-expression, and winning people over based on being defiant, contrary and acerbic.


The mission now is not to gain acceptance or understanding. If you want something I sell, buy it, but who I am is none of your concern. I'm not here to be liked.

With this in mind, here are the changes I'm hoping to get coded up and in place as soon as I'm inhumanely able:
~I will be writing more about the perfumes, and will no longer be offering them for sale within the UK.
~I'll be offering in-person consultations on the Chaotic Witchery scents, and the readings and the energy work. These will take place on the beach or maybe in the woods. I don't care if it is cold, wet or generally inhospitable, but you might so bring a blanket or something.
~Readings will not include the use of Tarot.
~Readings will be by phone or nature scene only. No more e-fail :)
~I'll not be maintaining a personal failbook page. I won't delete the one that's already there.
~There will be a clear shift to a new USP (Unique Selling Point)

*Just spoke to a peep who came downstairs about it, and he agreed.. I'm wanting to get away from spending hours a day on the internet. I have the chance to work IRL for a while, and I'm gonna do that. When I'm on the move I can shift back to being glued to my screen.

So kiddies, thats where it's at.

And, I won't be Gehenna.

On Pricing And Marketing

This post mostly explains pricing for my psychic readings, etheric healing, Chaotic Witchery Bespoke essential oil scents and Deviations.

Disclaimer: What follows is not based on interactions with any one person. It's a "several people..." and hence why I'm bringing it up here. If I have a problem with *you* I'll tell ya. I'm direct like that.

Psychic Readings & Etheric Healing: 

 I wrote this ages ago, so I redux'ed it a little, but it's still spot on

"I've often heard it said that it's "wrong" to ask for payment for readings, healings and other spiritual and psychic talents. Wrong by who's standards? Ah yes, "Them" , the secret judges of morality ;)　

I give my energy, time and skill when I work for a client, and they pay me as compensation. This is no different from anyone else using a talent to support themselves; singers, seamstresses, artists.. we all need to eat! Payment indicates a professional approach; I owe the Client a duty of service... I must earn their money. It puts the Client in the driving seat, whereas a freebie, a favour- call it what you like, is done at the Practitioner's discretion. It likely won't contain the effort and attention to detail that a paid, personal service will. Someone offering free healing doesn't care if you return. I do!

While it seems very "loving" and "fluffy new age" to share such gifts for free; it does more harm than good, to both Practitioner and Client. The Practitioner is inundated with requests and becomes resentful of the Client. The Practitioner is drained of time, emotion and energy. Some Clients superglue themselves to the Practitioner, unable to go to the bathroom without a full Celtic Cross spread to examine their options. The energy in this situation is definitely not balanced!

Which brings me to donations. "Donations are ok!" "They" cry! Well, I'd rather not let someone else define what my time is worth and tell me how much I need to live on. If your Boss "donated" to your bank account, would you be 100% sure that he'd pay you enough to cover your mortgage? With a clear price and summary of what it pays for, the Client knows what they can expect from me. The reciprocity of a paid service ensures both Client and Practitioner are equal; the giving and receiving of energy then occurs with no further debt or obligation. The Client leaves the healing session or reading feeling empowered and the Practitioner is able to switch off from the Client's session without feeling drained.

Many readers and healers abide by a code of ethics which states in part that they do not take advantage of a client financially. Detractors often accuse us of fostering dependence for financial gain. I say that the involvement of money REDUCES the risk of a client becoming dependent on me. My clients come from all walks of life, but all are discerning people who have chosen to spend money on the services I offer. With free readings and healings this discernment isn't necessary.. parting with cash encourages a step back to think.

"Free" readings that I offer to close friends are not free of the reciprocity I spoke of earlier. Relationships by definition involve energy exchange. While these exchanges aren't written on some chit sheet, they are a tacit element of any relationship.

The fact that I, and many others in my field charge for our work should tell you something very important. We value and respect our time, ourselves and YOU :)

Every question I have to go find an answer for/make better costs *me*. Yes, I'm generous when it comes to my nearest &dearest, but they give me way, way more than I could ever repay in filthy Dollah.

Chaotic Witchery Bespoke essential oil scents: 

The ingredients I use are of the highest quality, because I prefer to make a quality product. A lot of attention and detail goes into these *custom* creations. Pricing reflects this. If you want cheap, go get cheap somewhere uhh... cheap.

Deviations:

Opinion says that I should sell these at a higher price because they are rare/limited edition. This is why I don't: I don't like to rip people off. There's a "sweet spot" between surviving and greed, that I like to aim for. The Deviations use up surplus essential oils that I have in stock. They're the little bits left over from the Bespoke blends. They actually have a higher profit margin than the bespoke scents.

Part of my motivation with Gehenna LeFay  is to make spirituality accessible to all. Deviations are cheaper because they are not personalised and nothing is bought especially to make them. They aren't as rare as buying a blend made *just for you alone*, as the Bespokes are. I don't want to build up some Elitist following who want my stuff because it represents wealth ..these are spiritual scents first and foremost and if anything is to change in the world then its the masses, not the elite, who need waking ;)

"If there is hope, it lies in the Proles" -Orwell, 1984. 

This brings me to  

Marketing:

I have an upside down take on it, but you know what? It works for me. I refuse to seek customers. I have never wavered in my stance on the issue of competition and vying for attention. "I can't compete. So I don't." 

I believe in what I'm doing, and I know I'm good at it.. if not, I'd not do it and I'd go be an astronaut, or design rockets, or make black holes and strangelets at CERN.  I also do not do things that feel "off" to me, and perma-marketing does. 

I do jokey "shameless self-promotion" sometimes but ..

I don't have a "why you should choose me!" page because the people who want *me* will find me, or hear about me from a friend. The people who want a reader, or a healer, or a perfumier will go and choose one. 

My services are specific, it is *my* time and skill you are paying for and they are unique to me. Courting mass appeal will bring me the masses, and the exchange shifts.. from it being about me and what I can do, to me trying to do what the customer *wants*. 

I cannot change to fit your mould, nor do I wish to try. I only want customers who wish to hire *me* . I prefer a small and loyal following over mass-market fickleness. Quality, it's all in the quality :)

. 

Today's thought: I'll take Subversives over Rebels, any day :)

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Chaotic Witchery Deviations

Deviations are the random little drips of essential oils left over from my experimenting  with new blends for my Chaotic Witchery perfume oils. I don't intend to create them, Deviations just... happen.

There's no set format for Deviations; there could be one bottle, or twenty, and you'll have to trust my description of how they smell. I have no idea how often they will pop up for sale so be sure to add my "Book of Face" minion fan page to get regular updates for this blog and the site proper.

I am currently offering FOUR 10ml bottles of "Leto&Ghani" for £15 each (to include p&p).

It took me ages to pin down a good name for a scent so intense yet subtle, watery yet smouldering ...haha "smoulder", I love that word right now.. Its a rare combination of Fire and Water that draws special people in without relying on arrogance or adornment. Leto&Ghani has perfected that combination.

This is a unisex blend in plain bottles, for those seeking to connect with others, but it doesn't invoke anything one-track.. it's about the thrill of anticipation and the countless possibilities, depth and exploration that come right on the heels of that, if only you dare take a Leap of Faith and scratch the surface of what is right in front of you. I drew inspiration from this scrap of poetry taken from The Magician's Nephew, one of C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia series: 

Make your choice, adventurous Stranger;

Strike the bell and bide the danger,

Or wonder, till it drives you mad,

What would have followed if you had.

Smells? Well, it starts with a subtle mineral/salty core.. I built it around Marjoram and Bay, and there's a hint of sweet orange and a blinding jolt of peppermint (which soon evaporates) that gives way to a warmth that includes subtle spices and peppers. The scent finishes, and lingers as a warm, woody, salty blend with hints of the exotic.. think "afterglow" ;) It seems very complementary to body chemistry.

Energy? I put a lot of my "hidden in plain sight" vibe into this blend.. you'll not get overt attention but you will draw people who are in tune with you. It does the job of filtering people for you, so you don't have the hassle of unwanted attention. It's a nice blend for busy social situations.. of course you can rock it in smaller gatherings to hold them all spellbound ;)

Leto&Ghani will work with your intent, so all I'm gonna say is "..be careful".. if you like to be surrounded by fanbots, then this stuff is catnip *for people*

*there are 4 bottles of this Deviation in the whole world :)*  
I will update to let everyone once they're all gone, so check back here.  All Gone! 

Email me if you want to buy a bottle and I will send you an invoice; reserving one with a deposit may be possible. If you are nice.

Today's thought: Whenever you compliment or insult someone, be specific.

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Why I'm Not A Lightworker (Redux)

This is a bit more about the work I do, because everyone asks me how I do it, what makes me different blah blah and I've never been able to put it across as well as I'd wanted to.

I always said it's because I'm not afraid of the dark, and I knew what I meant. The vast majority interpret that according to their experiences. I find that saves me the bother of deciding who I want around because anyone who gets me wrong makes it pretty obvious, and the teeny percent who like what they see end up being most tenacious.

I never blog armchair rhetoric or theorising. There's no *way* I could ever look myself in the face if I did that.
I'm so imperfect it's untrue ...and I fall for me more and more every moment, because imperfections are adorable. The flip side for everything I have, and what balances it out is that:

I get filthy.

It's sugary-lovely to think that light, love and warm happies chase away Bad Things. (It's also much simpler to explain and brings in more customers has mass appeal, generating huge amounts of money for Roombas and Kindles and thus perpetual gadget-wank "I'm such a success look at meeee! You can have This and Moar for only $$11,997 plus every tax listed and some that I just made up to see how far I can push this, free will sold separately. Terms apply." bringing healing light to all corners of the Globe.) Thing is, that's utter bullshit.

Clearing out bad vibes/negative entities,.. "facing your demons" ..that means immersing yourself in all that nasty. When you shovel the equivalent of a demonic sewer out of your life, you *will* get covered in sludge. You can't clean house without getting dirty.. omelette/eggs etc etc *hyperbole*

I don't win on my territory, because anyone can do that, and I'm a contrary little bitch. "It's got no! written all over it? .....Challenge accepted!"
I wander straight in to all the nasty, looking all bewildered and naive, most likely, and get dogpiled with Horrible that pours most every ounce of it's energy into attacking me, and...


.....I'll only ever let people tell me "How It Is" if I really, really like them.

(some personal insight: my most recent immersing has had the best changes yet, as my 3yr old got up today completely free of goop.)





"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Chaotic Witchery Aromatherapy Essential Oil Scents

 I meant to blog sooner explaining the tangential bespoke aromatherapy essential oils "Potions" page that magically appeared on my site, but I have a lot of things to get done and not enough hours in a day, and so I forgot.

Attn: Men. Do not hit "back" thinking these are just for girls, I make these for guys too and have a had a lot of lovely feedback saying how brilliantly effective they are. *girlie blush*

Smell plays a huge part in unconscious interaction and has been identified as being the most common trigger of memory. There are countless examples I could chatter on about, detailing the role scent plays in our lives, but this post is Why I Make Perfume and not Sensory Biology 101, so we shall skip further explanation of what scents can do, and look at ways I find them useful.

I have heightened senses anyway but doubly so with smell. It's something I pay a lot of attention to as I can't just tune it out like most people.  Nice smells are a big part of what having a happy and productive living/working space means to me.

I don't like artificial scents. They are full of chemicals, their energy feels "off"..flat, lifeless... and they don't last well. Nor am I a fan of brand names.. mass appeal is not my thing; I don't want to smell the way fashion or the media dictate, plus I want to buy a quality product rather than an image.

I have been playing around with perfume oils for many years. "Playing around" became "experimenting with for desired effects" and flattering, yet simple fragrances became carefully crafted perfumes; multi-layered compositions alive with depth and energy.

Aromatherapy practitioners make use of essential oils for their therapeutic, healing and energetic properties. I love them because they smell awesome, they're natural.. the energy feels good to me.. and they have the longevity that I value.

I take many attributes into account when I source my ingredients; not only the smells and how they compliment and enhance each other, but also volatility, origin, element, and how they react to body chemistry. Intuition plays a part too, and has led to some truly stellar creative innovation.

Factor in the personal energy of the wearer, the desired energy effect (enhanced by my energy work as I blend the oils and craft the bottle) and a myriad subtleties of intent and you have something unique, long-lasting, beautiful and powerful.

 The bottles I use are high grade dark glass to filter out light which can degrade the potency of the essential oils. I use acrylic paints to decorate them, which gives a textured feel.

Just a few drops of my potions will make you smell good all day because the high quality oils I use are potent and lingering. As different scents evaporate at different rates, they evolve as the day goes on, and you will smell different "notes" coming through, which makes them fun and stops you tuning them out.
They mold themselves to the wearer and become a signature scent, or a bit of fun, or everything in between.

My lab rats found many uses for them, including use in room sprays, oil burners and bong water (<--that's thinking outside the box!). They can be used to help you ground and centre yourself, for relaxation, confidence and energy, to uplift mood, to calm, to enhance communication, to repel spiders and bugs, to attract opportunities, to create a sense of space in a  busy environment and to draw people to you. That's not an exhaustive list.. feel free to add to it.

I love the whole process of making these special perfumes; a good metaphor would be that I put my heart and soul into them, but we all know I possess neither ;)

I'm offering them for sale now because it feels like the right time, and the right direction for me to head in. I've been wanting to get away from formulaic spirituality forever, and this is a good way of standing out from the crowd, while doing something I love, making a living and creating something beautiful, by way of self-expression.

It's an immortality of sorts to send out lots of little freaky, sentient perfume-y children into the world ;)

"Chaotic Witchery" is a name I landed on pretty quickly.. it sounds pleasing to me and encapsulates what these bespoke aromatherapy essential oil blended scents are all about; Chaos.. that's me, and Witchery as in enticing, charismatic, sensuous, arcane, hypnotic, be-witching and eldritch.

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

A Quick Story About Passing Things Along

I meant to post this back in June when it happened but life got weird at that point and I never got the chance.

I met up with s since schoolomeone I've known since School days (Hello Sam!) for a week of hanging out, and visiting other people. We don't get to see each other much because she decided to move to the Isle of Potatoes and Guinness a few years ago.

While she was packing to go home, I gave her an almost-full pot of hand cream. She didn't want to take it because it wasn't a particularly cheap brand and she didn't want me to have to buy more.

I told her it was fine, I could get more easily. As it happens, the online grocery place I use sell it and I had *one* pot ordered in with the groceries due for when I got home.

So, I arrived home, and the next day I took delivery of my groceries and found they'd put a 3-pack of the hand cream in, but only charged me for one. When I called up, they told me not to worry about it, and that I could keep them, free.

This sort of thing isn't a rare occurrence for me.

The moral of the story is not to be afraid to pass things along, and share them because it allows resources to flow, and flow is what brings abundance in to your life.

PS: Over the last few years, I've given away loads and loads of free samples of hand-blended perfume.




"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

On Shades of Experience

I don't cover every possible shade of opinion, or variant of choice in my posts because I've seen first-hand what Analysis Paralysis does to a person. People look to me for advice because they like how I deal with my problems, they find my brand of questionable ethics refreshing, and my blatant insanity gives them a new perspective. Blogging puts it all out there so that I can piss people off half a world away, or maybe offer a bit of hope.

If you don't hit the "back" button, you might read on and then moan that I present everything as a Duality...  "Do or do not, there is no try".. when we all know there are shades upon shades of grey.

 Seriously?? Most thinking people are aware that Duality, and the "Third Way" are just conveniences used for the sake of clarity, simplicity and brevity.  Of course there are shades of meaning, and hidden subtleties and distinctions that make each individual's situation different. If we were points on a Bell Curve, my loyal readers would all lie near me, probably somewhere near the end that means "insanely unlikely" and we'd have a lot more breathing space that those poor cunts at the fat bit at the top o_O

I'm writing "What Would Gehenna Do" and you are reading and saying "but, but, but"? This is a problem how? Spouting all the things I left out as irrelevant to me are as good for you as a "Yes, I agree, I wub you Gehenna" or a "No.. that's ignorant, Blanket Gehenna! I'll send you light and fairy angels". Made you think didn't I?

If you are complaining, then you've read, questioned and rejected me in favour of finding something that suits you. That's still valuable; you don't like that I didn't cover your perspective, and so you understand what you are *not* looking for a little bit more.

In a real life conversation, I'm the understanding, accepting one who takes in your position and empathises without making you feel like shit. That's because I toss out all the pre-conceptions I may have and actually fucking listen :)

Virtually everyone I know confides in me, and that trust is not misplaced. Total strangers feel drawn to me, and tell me they trust me. Arrrrr :)

Here isn't real life, we don't have the luxury of time, I don't want to write an in-depth thesis on every thought I have... hell, If I did want to I'd just write books until I got rich.

I have neither time, inclination or desire to join the legions of Analysis Paraplegics.. I like being a misanthropic bitch far too much, it makes me feel all "happy" inside and works as a filter so I find new people who can see past bullshit just like I can. That's not something you attract with mass appeal ;) 

..............................
Post length is a tricky thing to get right. When my writing is a bit more "grabby" I want to go the little and often "daily nuggets of shite" route.

 This is *my* blog and it's all about the me, and thus unique.

The blogsphere is just a bunch of diaries, and just like Real Life, most are interesting only to the author. Some are worth a quick flip, if only to marvel at some truly horrendous Unwarranted Self-Importance, Delusional Insight or plain old What the Holy Fuck? A handful have risen to the top of their category, and still fewer have mass appeal.


I don't have mass appeal, and that's a huge saving grace as far as I'm concerned, because my email inbox would be overflowing with crap.



"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Venting

I got up this morning in a foul mood and felt like jacking it all in to run off and run a Llama farm, or anything else which involves living as far away from other people as is practical.
I did what I usually do when I'm pissed off, which is to put on capslock, tell everyone with a big angry rant, and then troll the internet till I feel better. Once I've worked off some of the crappy feelings I get a better idea of what they are and what to do.
Today's angst was (mostly) about feeling trapped and defined by stereotypes and other people's fail. It threw up a few interesting points I'd like to delve further into (highlighted):

Gehenna Polah Beh

gonna be one of those days is it? fuck that shit& fuck working my ass off at shit I hate I WANT TO SELL PERFUMES

WELL I'M SICK OF IT it was never my desire to have to put myself out there as a fucking wierdo freak when I spent my life not wanting to brag about it, I hate the personal aspect of writing because I feel like I'm hanging my guts out in public, and I doubly hate having to keep pointing out I don't identify with the whole she-bang. I hate the super sucky "beyond within" name which is ugly, derivative and not anything *I* ever would have chosen, EVER, and I hate the fact I was forced into a totally modern arrangement that actually meant I have to be everything, all at once because (edited so I don't have to go into my 1950s household beliefs).

why should ~I feel pushed to blog and write when I have no following? I hate having to market myself because I fucking hate people, It goes against my grain to compete, SO I DON'T

......

I have wanted to make and sell perfumes for a few years now. I was inspired by some I bought from an online company in the States. They smelled wonderful, and lasted much better than traditional brand-name Eww du Toilet or whatever it is, and they had a far more "me" aesthetic than mainstream stuff. They also came in tiny little (expensive) bottles and took a long time to arrive.

I got a tad resentful, as I am wont to do, because it all smacked of Weirdo Tax and buying into an image, albeit a Gothier one. I never get too far into any wankdom, because group dynamics piss me off so much I end up hating it.

I experimented with making my own scents, which led to the discovery that I'm awesome at smells. I just have a knack for what works, how it works with body chemistry, and how scents compliment, enhance, mingle and evoke.

Scent is the biggest trigger of memory, bar none, it has a hella lot to do with sexual attraction, and plain old interaction in general. It has many functions in the natural word, and I could waffle on about it for hours. You'll have guessed smells are a huge deal to me, and you'd be correct. They help ground me which is a fucking minor miracle in itself, and I also use them to create a sense of space/better personal bubble and to get into various mental states when I want to pick up Radio Psy.

I got stupid amounts of comments from randoms about whatever (insanely multi-layered) blend I wore, and was asked constantly where to buy them. Friends would go on about how my parcels smelled amazing. I also noticed I could activate them to perform various energetic effects, like drawing people in, repelling certain other people and adding oomph to my already massive charisma. I R 5ft 0 of STFU Dx
I totally pranked this guy I liked by sending him a bottle of "chick bait." That backfired slightly...

I ended up carrying samples with me and handing them out like sweeties.. and then custom blending them for specific people, and even sold a few off the record.

The unanimous feedback was "Why the FUCK are you not selling these as works of art?? Stupid woman!". So, I will, soon. Troll's honor.

...
As for competing... oooh where to start. I just don't do it. I refuse to get caught up in trying to prove myself on any level, as a woman, as a woo-woo, as a person.

I lurk in corners at parties. When everyone else is vying for attention, I sidle off and do my own thing. I just can't be arsed, I get a kind of apathy descend and I lose interest in whatever the supposed prize is, fast. I guess being "noticed" loses it's allure when you know you can flip it on and off in a heartbeat.

I'll never fight over a guy, because I shouldn't have to. Any relationship you have to feed a stupid amount of energy into maintaining isn't supposed to be a permanent fixture in your life. Unless you like being vamped.  If his eyes are on you because you can paint a prettier mask than other chicks, then he doesn't want *you*.

The vast majority of self-promotion turns me off utterly and makes me ashamed to be a Psychic. I will never be so desperate for money that I start trying to convince everyone, regardless, that they need ME, NOW. I'm very choosy about who I work with. The acceptable Psychic template is so far from who I am that the fucking Hubble couldn't find it.. and I can only work as who I am, and not in some generic mold. My skillz don't follow a sparkly, people-pleasing path and I have no time for anyone that expects me to present as if they do, solely to court business. The *only* reason I still offer services is cause I am not allowed to quit, there'd be too much badgering from people if I did. Also, Mystic works better and makes me smile.

I'm not in this to be altruistic, so I'll keep going as long as I can be clear about me; once you compromise your integrity, it's so easy to get lost in, and shaped by all the fucking energies of everyone else.. it's no wonder that all the other actual *competent* psychics I know are misanthropic cunts with a hermit lifestyle.

I don't want to save the world, fuck no. No. *pulls puke face* I do like pranking it though, and payment is a bonus. I'm no more "Darkworker" than I am Fluffy Fuckstick.. my motivation is chaos. I cannot get my head round this constant need people have to limit themselves with labels. Maybe they like belonging to a club
¬_¬
I deserve every penny of my fees, but that's an old, lost blog.

Protip: Everything is for sale. Most online sellers target their audience, thus the audience is the commodity and they are trying to buy it. That's what squishing yourself into a format is. If I ever make mega success it will be because I'm sought after, not because I invested years selling myself up the Ziggurat. (If it's meant to go somewhere it will, I haven't lost interest yet, so..keep going)

....

I won't give anything out here that is precious, because I don't care if you don't *know* me. I know "successful" writing is meant to be about baring ones soul, and all that, but honestly, I save that for a few very special people. I'm bulletproof, but I'm not gonna wear myself out proving it. The pressure to be all deep and sharing and gut oneself like a road accident is immense and peer pressur-y and therefore hugely repellent to me :)

...

I'm not totally sure of the point of this, I think it's somewhere in between of "writing is easier when I stop trying to make you look" and "don't change to please the world, make the world fit you" with a detour to "venting is healthy, here I am, venting, but don't expect to get a shag out of it". Yeh..

I think time will help with the awkward feelings that there's a residual "BW" image.. it's only called that in the url, and only because it was more convenient to leave the urls alone.

"It's like a vat of acid with a PIE in! roll in, victims!"

Death v Chaos

 Did I say how good it feels to be following my own star at last? It feels *really* good, like the brakes are off and I can enjoy life, without restriction. I never was gonna be happy being told how to dance, and why to dance, and to write a whole lot of audience-focused choreography when most of my motivations have only ever been "...because...". That shit really sucks the life out of me.

Things haven't changed a huge amount, but my attitude to them has, and that has done more than anything to color in the happy pages for me.

In my experience, which I can only ever speak from, removing qualifiers, justification and even exact goals is the only thing which really helps manifest serious change and the true expression of self. As long as I felt beholden to anything or anyone other than me, I was going through life wearing blinkers. It's so damn EASY to convince yourself of the validity of your actions if you use something or someone else as justification.. but it's just more absolving of responsibility. Most people do that.. or they settle for less than they deserve and then fight to convince themselves they are happy.

 I see people embrace death and mortality as a "solution", reasoning that Earth is some kind of Hell or lesser dimension that twinkly multi-dimensional happy-sky-beings visit like a haunted house on Halloween , often using sight of "the end" and what may come afterwards as a carrot to get themselves through a suck-ass life. The whole focus seems to be on getting through it all as fast as possible.

It doesn't work, and the result is a fixed, unchanging, eternal stagnation. Death is a rigid, inescapable Law of Everything. "Law" being defined as "reason free from passion". Well, that's just super.. a passionless existence? Sounds a bit Tolle-sque to me *clicks off safety*

The biggest mistake is clinging to the past.. hoarding sentimentality.. feeling bound to an ever-growing pile of heavy things which weigh more in guilt and duty than any legitimate emotional value they might hold. It's easy to kid yourself that you are "learning from your mistakes", but all that is happening is a continual rehashing of the same limited experiences.

The only place the past exists is in memory. Trying to change it is a pointless exercise; if you did manage to erase all the "bad" things, you'd lose context for all the gains, and for what? So you could look back on a past that didn't hurt? Awwwwwww! ...That has the same appeal for me as a Traditional Christian Heaven full of fat little cherubs and harps. In another post, maybe, if and when I can be bothered, I will point out why Hurt Has to Happen. I'd like to think my readers aren't actually needing me to tell them that though.

As for "being held back" well, I have been there, too, and in the end, the only person holding me back was me, by my own inaction. Even then, there was a reason for my lack of action, which has only become apparent since. Everything is an ongoing Happy Accident, right?

I think that if I had to give one single reason for a lot of the unhappiness I see people experience it would be "fear of change".. they choose to be miserable or stagnant because of worry over *stuff that hasn't actually happened*. That's a pretty powerful fear then o_O

Except.. what if life doesn't have to suck?
I recently decided not to worry any more, about anything. Ok, so that sounds really flippant.. but it worked. I figured "Worry=feeling bad about imaginary things". See, I have been through loads of crappy situations and lived to tell, and they never followed the path that prior worrying predicted. Sure I still think about things that are Yet To Be, but my thoughts never take the track of flinging me into a dark hole of Woe. "I'll deal with it if it happens" has become my mantra towards all things negative.

Chaos is my Voodoo. I feel safe in the unpredictability that terrifies others, always have done, but now I've finally learnt to work with it. As far as manifesting goes, it's the best tool EVER. I seriously recommend kicking your life apart if it shows signs it's falling apart; take control, because then you'll get first dibs on what's left after all the bullshit has been cast out. Passion is a Trickster, come to shake life up like a snowglobe.

Chaos is all about the passion that a lot of ....fluffier belief systems say you should deny. Drama and change are exhausting but there is no mistaking their effect. I've never known any artist say they were inspired by notions of unchanging safety.

Once you throw out all the things that do not work (literally and figuratively), the space that's left can be filled with fresh, new beliefs,hopes, ideas and direction. Surprisingly quickly too- Nature abhors a vacuum ;)

Accepting and embracing change, newness and an unwritten future carries within it the potential to create the experiences you want. Looking ahead and enjoying the journey carries such a thrill, that over-analysis of the past will never provide
.
*Everything* is new and exciting when you change your point of view.. and when you also trust in yourself to shine a path through adversity, the downs only lead to more ups. That sounds pretty, doesn't it? Adversity still sucks but confidence in your ability to deal with it makes it suck less, because you know you aren't a helpless victim.

And how did I change my point of view? I decided *I* was worth fighting for. I'm not scared of failing, or hurting.. just of standing still :)

So, what's the upshot?
**You can keep trying to fix what's wrong in your life. You can beat yourself up over the past. You can decide life is shit, and give up on it, and rush through it moaning the whole way. You can find excuses for inaction. You can list all the ways you are trapped, and sing hymns to dogged finality.

**You can throw it all away on a whim and live a little. Or a lot even. I'm kinda enjoying the scenic route. Patience doesn't have to be all sucky and virtuous if you remember that it's part of The Plan.

Tigers and Behs and Transitions, Oh My!

I'm gonna assume that most people reading this already know of me and what I do, and also know the old "Beyond Within" site. 

Obviously there has been a massive shake up, so if you want to know what, why and how it affects you, please read on.

I'll be as diplomatic as I can, but I'm not putting it before clarity. Take it or leave it.. I can only speak from my perspective.

For nearly 4 years, I worked under the umbrella of "Beyond Within", a site put together by my ex as a vehicle for us both to work from. He realised I have various marketable fucknutty talents, and decided that selling those, along with him writing on metaphysics, would be a great source of income for him.

I had little say in the way I was presented and the way the site was marketed. "Palehorse", for that be the way he refers to himself and his carefully-constructed image, openly took his inspiration from the well known blogger Steve Pavlina.

He ran the blog, and I did the readings, the useful energy hoodoo and halves on the reiki.

Over time, it took off, I rewrote anything applicable to me and wrote some blog posts. It was a struggle to shoehorn myself into his brand, and things weren't great at home. Put nicely, whatever we once met on was gone, and we were like diverging lines.

I started my own blog in 2010 in order that I could write without restriction. As I gained notoriety with my work, PH quit writing, which struck a massive blow to our traffic.

I soldiered on for 18 months, with his energy eventually swamping me and cutting off my income.

The homelife was just as crap and draining.. his "Eternal Transition" was more "Eternal Stagnation", as tends to happen when one superglues themselves to formule and disappears up their own arse. It brought me low.. owch.

The Tower.. Violently Destructive Change.. is a huge part of me, and kicks in when I hit rock bottom, forcing me to take charge and rise up from nothing on new, stronger wings.

I'd ended it with him a long time ago.. but he ignored me, and wouldn't leave, and carried on sucking me dry, and so I got increasingly dispirited and withdrew from life.

A few weeks ago, a defiant rage at the Universe, some fantastically deep, dark karma (girly blush).. and a few other bits of deja vu clicked in my mind.

Challenge accepted =) I cut all the crap from my life, figuratively and mentally.

I feel so much better. Reclaiming "Beyond" and reworking it to fit me is part of my new direction. "Change Yourself, Change Your World" was coined by me, and I feel justified in continuing to use it, because I practise what I preach. I was gonna walk away totally, but ..fuck that shit, I'm gonna salvage what I can.