Things haven't changed a huge amount, but my attitude to them has, and that has done more than anything to color in the happy pages for me.
In my experience, which I can only ever speak from, removing qualifiers, justification and even exact goals is the only thing which really helps manifest serious change and the true expression of self. As long as I felt beholden to anything or anyone other than me, I was going through life wearing blinkers. It's so damn EASY to convince yourself of the validity of your actions if you use something or someone else as justification.. but it's just more absolving of responsibility. Most people do that.. or they settle for less than they deserve and then fight to convince themselves they are happy.
I see people embrace death and mortality as a "solution", reasoning that Earth is some kind of Hell or lesser dimension that twinkly multi-dimensional happy-sky-beings visit like a haunted house on Halloween , often using sight of "the end" and what may come afterwards as a carrot to get themselves through a suck-ass life. The whole focus seems to be on getting through it all as fast as possible.
It doesn't work, and the result is a fixed, unchanging, eternal stagnation. Death is a rigid, inescapable Law of Everything. "Law" being defined as "reason free from passion". Well, that's just super.. a passionless existence? Sounds a bit Tolle-sque to me *clicks off safety*
The biggest mistake is clinging to the past.. hoarding sentimentality.. feeling bound to an ever-growing pile of heavy things which weigh more in guilt and duty than any legitimate emotional value they might hold. It's easy to kid yourself that you are "learning from your mistakes", but all that is happening is a continual rehashing of the same limited experiences.
The only place the past exists is in memory. Trying to change it is a pointless exercise; if you did manage to erase all the "bad" things, you'd lose context for all the gains, and for what? So you could look back on a past that didn't hurt? Awwwwwww! ...That has the same appeal for me as a Traditional Christian Heaven full of fat little cherubs and harps. In another post, maybe, if and when I can be bothered, I will point out why Hurt Has to Happen. I'd like to think my readers aren't actually needing me to tell them that though.
As for "being held back" well, I have been there, too, and in the end, the only person holding me back was me, by my own inaction. Even then, there was a reason for my lack of action, which has only become apparent since. Everything is an ongoing Happy Accident, right?
I think that if I had to give one single reason for a lot of the unhappiness I see people experience it would be "fear of change".. they choose to be miserable or stagnant because of worry over *stuff that hasn't actually happened*. That's a pretty powerful fear then o_O
Except.. what if life doesn't have to suck?
I recently decided not to worry any more, about anything. Ok, so that sounds really flippant.. but it worked. I figured "Worry=feeling bad about imaginary things". See, I have been through loads of crappy situations and lived to tell, and they never followed the path that prior worrying predicted. Sure I still think about things that are Yet To Be, but my thoughts never take the track of flinging me into a dark hole of Woe. "I'll deal with it if it happens" has become my mantra towards all things negative.
Chaos is my Voodoo. I feel safe in the unpredictability that terrifies others, always have done, but now I've finally learnt to work with it. As far as manifesting goes, it's the best tool EVER. I seriously recommend kicking your life apart if it shows signs it's falling apart; take control, because then you'll get first dibs on what's left after all the bullshit has been cast out. Passion is a Trickster, come to shake life up like a snowglobe.
Chaos is all about the passion that a lot of ....fluffier belief systems say you should deny. Drama and change are exhausting but there is no mistaking their effect. I've never known any artist say they were inspired by notions of unchanging safety.
Once you throw out all the things that do not work (literally and figuratively), the space that's left can be filled with fresh, new beliefs,hopes, ideas and direction. Surprisingly quickly too- Nature abhors a vacuum ;)
Accepting and embracing change, newness and an unwritten future carries within it the potential to create the experiences you want. Looking ahead and enjoying the journey carries such a thrill, that over-analysis of the past will never provide
.
*Everything* is new and exciting when you change your point of view.. and when you also trust in yourself to shine a path through adversity, the downs only lead to more ups. That sounds pretty, doesn't it? Adversity still sucks but confidence in your ability to deal with it makes it suck less, because you know you aren't a helpless victim.
And how did I change my point of view? I decided *I* was worth fighting for. I'm not scared of failing, or hurting.. just of standing still :)
So, what's the upshot?
**You can keep trying to fix what's wrong in your life. You can beat yourself up over the past. You can decide life is shit, and give up on it, and rush through it moaning the whole way. You can find excuses for inaction. You can list all the ways you are trapped, and sing hymns to dogged finality.
**You can throw it all away on a whim and live a little. Or a lot even. I'm kinda enjoying the scenic route. Patience doesn't have to be all sucky and virtuous if you remember that it's part of The Plan.
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